Hotel California
by Nepezi. Kitten Extraordinaire
Summary: A oneshot about Spike getting high and supposedly finding hotel california, I think, obviously a parody of the actual song, warning, drug use and reference, coarse language and sexual references


**Hotel California**

"This better be as good as he said." Spike mumbled as he lit up his new roll of weed. "Uh oh. Not good." Spike said as he inhaled the smoke and started to stumble around and hallucinate. "But it's still awesome." he commented before passing out.

* * *

When Spike awoke, he was driving along a dark, desert highway. "Awesome." Spike commented. Up ahead in the distance, he saw a shimmering light. "This seems oddly familiar." Spike commented. "Might as well stop for the night." he said. He pulled up and walked to the front door where a woman stood.

"Hello, and welcome." she said.

"Yeah hi, you got any spare rooms?" Spike asked.

"Of course." the woman said before walking inside. She lit up a candle and led Spike down the halls. As he was walking, Spike heard the other guests mumbling something. He listened closer and his eyes widened as he realised what they were saying.

"Welcome to the hotel california." they mumbled.

"SHIIIIIIIIIIT!" Spike screamed as he ran down the halls. He ran into the courtyard and saw a group of people dancing. The woman was standing there, watching.

"Some dance to remember-" she started.

"And some dance to forget. I know, I've heard the song." Spike said. "Can I check out now?" he asked.

"You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave." she said.

"Right, of course." Spike sighed. Then he realised she had changed. She was staring at him with her purely red eyes, her skin had turned completely black and she had grown silver fangs in place of her teeth. "Right, the song ends there. I'm fucked." Spike sighed before running.

* * *

Spike turned a corner and came face to face with Razor. His face slowly changed to resemble the woman's deformed, black face. "Welcome to the hotel california." 'Razor' said. Spike punched him in the face, somehow changing him back to normal. "Ow! That look on your face was priceless but the punch was unnecessary." Razor said.

"What the hell is happening?" Spike asked.

"It happens to everyone. Alex heard the song once and now she's completely gone." Razor said, pointing down the hall at Alex, whose face was completely black.

"How can we resist?" Spike asked.

"We're music lovers. We've heard worse." Razor pointed out. "But it's changing me too." Razor said as his face darkened. "Welcome to the-" Razor started before Spike raised his fist. "Alright fine, just trying to have some fun." Razor said.

"Who's causing this?" Spike asked.

"The Eagles." Razor said.

"Right, the band willingly put people into their song." Spike said sarcastically.

"No, not those Eagles. Up the top, the whole place is run by a group of eagles who can give people nightmares." Razor explained.

"Up I go." Spike said before walking off.

"And stay away from the elevators, you can guess what they're playing." Razor called. He then walked off, whistling Hotel California.

* * *

Spike walked up the stairs, humming Disciples of Babylon. "So where are these so-called Eagles?" Spike sang. "Why am I feeling so musical?" he asked himself.

"Dude, you're IN a song." said a dark blue hedge-fox with light blue streaks and a light blue tipped tail.

"Good point." Spike said. He started to walk towards the door but the hedge-fox stopped him.

"Hey, get in line." he said.

"There's a line?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, me." the hedge-fox said.

"Fine." Spike said as he sat down next to the hedge-fox.

"M&M?" the hedge-fox asked as he held out a bag of M&M's.

"Thanks." Spike said as he grabbed a few M&M's.

"I'm Cryax by the way." Cryax said a she extended his hand.

"Spike." Spike said as he shook Cryax's hand. After a few minutes, a black hedgehog walked out of the door.

"You may want to wait a bit while they get patched up." She suggested before walking off. Cryax walked into the room and Spike moved over. After a minute, Slash walked in and sat down next to Spike.

"Hey Spike." Slash said.

"Hey Slash." Spike said.

"Drug trip?" Slash asked.

"I hope so." Spike replied. "You?"

"Same." Slash said.

"Almond?" Spike asked as he held out a bag of chocolate-covered almonds.

"Thanks." Slash said as he grabbed a few. After a few minutes, Cryax came back out, with a giant ice blade for an arm. It turned back into his arm and he flexed his fingers before turning to Spike.

"What she said." he said before walking off. Spike walked in and Slash moved over as a black dragon with dark purple streaks walked in and sat next to him.

"I'm Slash." Slash said extending his hand.

"Draconis." she replied, shaking his hand.

* * *

Spike saw five eagles standing at the opposite end of the room, covered in black singes, frozen spots and bruises. The head eagle, a male golden eagle stood forward. "Spike Croce, notorious drug addict and drummer, why are you here?" he asked.

"To leave." Spike said.

"I mean, why were you here in the first place?" he asked.

"I think I'm on a drug trip." Spike replied.

"I assure you, this is real." he said.

"Look Steve, I want to leave here right now, or heads will roll." Spike threatened.

"I don't believe you." the eagle replied.

"I didn't want to have to do this, but- hell I've always wanted to do this. Slash!" Spike called. Slash walked in with a boombox. He pressed play and a certain part of a certain song started as Spike threw random objects at the eagles, such as toilet seats, electric heaters, radial tyres, BB pellets, automatic circumcisers and matching salt and pepper shakers. Slash then pressed play again, this time pressing repeat as well.

"Alright! You can leave! Just stop throwing things at us!" the head eagle shouted. Slash pressed stop.

"Your cooperation is greatly appreciated." Spike said cheerfully before throwing the toilet seat he was holding. "Come along Slash." Spike said as he started to leave.

"That's what she said." Slash said before following Spike.

"Nice." Spike commented.

* * *

"Come on Draconis, we're leaving." Slash said as they walked past Draconis.

"Good, I don't have time for this, I have an empire to run." she said before standing and following the hedgehogs.

* * *

Spike got in the car and tried to turn it on, but there was a slight problem. "Damn, out of gas. We'll have to stay here for the night." Spike said. Slash, Draconis, Razor and Alex all smacked him upside the head. "Ow! What?" he exclaimed.

_Disclaimer: I own everything except the songs_

_(A/N) I got this idea from listening to hotel california, then when the woman mutated or whatever, horror movie by skyhooks came on, I found that awesome, also, anyone who wants to join me under Draconis' leadership is welcomed  
_


End file.
